Treading water
Lately I've been sitting between all the words and emotions and opinions and thoughts floating around the ethers of blogland. Mothers who are finding themselves in the laughter of their children. Photographers who are seeing themselves really for the first time - figgiting under the spotlight of their own eyes. Farmers learning more about life from their animals than from the philosophy books in their library. Women laughing. Women aching. Women hiding in philosophically-flowery ideas and self-convincing. Women tenderly, bravely pouring their hearts out in words. Women wrapping themselves protectively in other words. And I'm noticing that I'm not sure where I am in some ways. In most ways I'm grounded and rooted and aware of and in myself, but in some ways, there are still questions. Such is life I suppose and I could spend eternity trying to explain it further. But for now I float in what I'm doing. 
I float in not always knowing how to catch myself in the intake breath before impatient words slipping into precious ears. I float in not always trusting that I know how to be a good friend. I float in knowing that I'm really afraid sometimes of letting friendships run deep - of being the "new friend" that soon becomes old. I float in not always knowing how to be grateful and present. I float in not always feeling creative and in the guilt I feel when I feel like throwing all effort to the wind and living a drier life. I float in knowing that tomorrow I'm likely to catch myself in that intake breath. I float on knowing that tomorrow I might wake up with a renewed enthusiasm to show up at the table and practice. I float on knowing that there is plenty of time for me to "figure things out". I float on the knowing that if the world fell apart and my house burned down and my hands no longer could form the work I fight with at times and if I were standing naked in a room full of friends with their backs turned, that I would be able to stand there with my heart fuller than full with the love I've been gifted with in this life - in it's many forms and offerings.
I'm listening to this music today. And this and this and this...all by the incredibly talented musicians and actors in this deliciously heartbreaking movie.
loving this and you are speaking to me right now..
xo
Posted by: kelly rae | March 27, 2008 at 12:18 AM
just keep doing what you do and the rest will follow. i've learned that much in my middle age years....you are very special to everyone, rest assured.
i've been SO so remiss in writing you about your book - stephanie, it is absolutely wonderful! it arrived right in the midst of a visit from roy, so we were both able to leaf through the pages and marvel. when i have more time (argh, when is that?!) i will really dig in as deeply as i can go - i love that it is so different from the rest of what is out there in the publishing world. from one fellow jeweler to another - you rock! xx
Posted by: nina | March 27, 2008 at 06:41 AM
the fullness of your heart can be felt all the way across the country and i imagine all around the world... i am really loving these posts where you share what's on your mind and bursting from your warm heart. thank you for putting it all into words. xo
Posted by: misty | March 27, 2008 at 06:57 AM
Your words are beautiful:
"I float on the knowing that if the world fell apart and my house burned down and my hands no longer could form the work I fight with at times and if I were standing naked in a room full of friends with their backs turned, that I would be able to stand there with my heart fuller than full with the love I've been gifted with in this life - in it's many forms and offerings."
How profound and deep and disturbing and wonderful all at the same time. We all struggle with these moments, it's called living, and you know how to put it so poetically in words. I also wanted to let you know I purchased your book several weeks ago and it is the best jewelry book I have EVER read on the topic. It is next to my bed and when I flip through each page I become so excited and inspired...I just love it.So glad I found your blog!
Posted by: June | March 27, 2008 at 08:44 AM
Your writing is elegant, and I enjoy reading your blog.
This 'floating' is also a part of the process of opening up. Sometimes you need to float, to rest, a chance to just be.
Posted by: Eunice | March 27, 2008 at 09:23 AM
"for now i float"
yes to that. it is good to rest a bit but floating is still active i think...resting but being open...
how your words resonate so deeply...thank you for being out there in the world...
Posted by: liz elayne | March 27, 2008 at 07:23 PM
your openheartedness here in the blogoshpere is tender and moving. the best thoughts are expressed when those words and questions burst out, and it's always the questions that really matter, the answers aren't ever our concern. sending your hugs my sweet friend.
xox
Posted by: katie | March 27, 2008 at 08:07 PM
hey dear one...the sharing of these feelings is so raw and real...i am looking forward to our meeting face to face...i just feel the warmth of your sweet spirit...one thing that i try to remember is that 'everything is exactly as it should be in this very moment'....you are a treasue! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Posted by: annie | March 28, 2008 at 05:43 AM
Oh, If I could only express myself so well as you do in your writing!! I just received your book...What a treasure!! I've already gotten started! I cast some neat buttons. I look forward to your class in Clackamas!!Laurie
Posted by: Charmingdesigns | March 28, 2008 at 09:02 AM
Hi Stephanie - I think a lot of us bloggers are in the same zone as you are right now and totally understand what you are feeling. Thanks for sharing.
I have blogged a piece I have made having bought your book and been so inspired by it. Thank you for sharing your techniques and inspiration. Carrie xx
Posted by: carrie | March 28, 2008 at 09:05 AM
You touch me with your beautiful words if Only I could write as freely and so beautifully
Jen
Posted by: Jen crossley | March 30, 2008 at 03:39 AM
Dear Stephanie,
I do not like doing this here and I do apologize to you and your readers....
I have some questions for you about the classes I am taking with you at Art & Soul in May...
I can't find your contact information anywhere and for some reason my email service will not allow me to utilize contact forms on websites like you have on yours...
I would appreciate it if you could email me so that I can have a conversation with you. I am taking four classes and need to start packing soon.
Thank you,
Elise B.
Posted by: elise | March 30, 2008 at 06:49 AM
Ahhhh - You have expressed it beautifully! A necessary evil. Life is richer when we take the time for these short bursts of productive self-doubt!
Posted by: Jean | April 01, 2008 at 05:35 AM
your open heart and kind soul is felt here and over in my world...this is the stuff that really matters...touching lives, however inperfect they may seem in the moment. embrace it all my friend. *hugs*
Posted by: pink sky | April 20, 2008 at 12:27 AM
I found myself reading your post aloud to myself, slowing the pace and allowing each word to take hold and root itself in my heart. Having a precious pair of earrings you fashioned for some time now, I had not explored the possibility of your blog. Today, stumbling in through a back door, I am taking it all in...and when I next adorn my day with your beautiful earrings...(always reading them before slipping them on "birdsong in the morning.....star shine at night")I will contemplate 'floating'
xo Rella
Posted by: Rella | May 25, 2008 at 09:56 AM