Sometimes when unquestioned assumptions start building up in my veins, I get in my car and turn up some basey music really loud so that the beat vibrates in my chest. Each thump of the base drum pumps forgiveness in. Forgiveness of others' doing-the-best-they-know and forgiveness of my own tendency to define myself according to their ideas of me. It's hard to forgive yourself for taking everything personally. It's hard to forgive yourself for thinking you should do/be better all the time. It's hard to forgive yourself for being angry at someone who you say has hurt you. It's hard to forgive yourself for being angry at yourself for your shortcomings. But it is the most important forgiveness there is. Forgiving yourself.
The beat and the forgiveness tenderizes the heart muscle and by the end of the song, the toxic juices have dripped through the floor boards and are steaming on the frozen road behind me. Sometimes I cry, it feels so good. My gratitude for life naturally slips in where forgiveness has made a welcome bed and the plumbing that was installed right behind my eyes blasts full force. The poor dog in the back of the car doesn't know what to think.
Happiest of new year's to each and every one of you. I wish for you in this coming year (and always) that you know that you are beauty and you are the beholder. You are forgiveness and you are forgiven. You are love and you are loved. Life is so incredibly good and beautiful. All of it.
See you on the flip side.