Sometimes when unquestioned assumptions start building up in my veins, I get in my car and turn up some basey music really loud so that the beat vibrates in my chest. Each thump of the base drum pumps forgiveness in. Forgiveness of others' doing-the-best-they-know and forgiveness of my own tendency to define myself according to their ideas of me. It's hard to forgive yourself for taking everything personally. It's hard to forgive yourself for thinking you should do/be better all the time. It's hard to forgive yourself for being angry at someone who you say has hurt you. It's hard to forgive yourself for being angry at yourself for your shortcomings. But it is the most important forgiveness there is. Forgiving yourself.
The beat and the forgiveness tenderizes the heart muscle and by the end of the song, the toxic juices have dripped through the floor boards and are steaming on the frozen road behind me. Sometimes I cry, it feels so good. My gratitude for life naturally slips in where forgiveness has made a welcome bed and the plumbing that was installed right behind my eyes blasts full force. The poor dog in the back of the car doesn't know what to think.
Happiest of new year's to each and every one of you. I wish for you in this coming year (and always) that you know that you are beauty and you are the beholder. You are forgiveness and you are forgiven. You are love and you are loved. Life is so incredibly good and beautiful. All of it.
See you on the flip side.
That is deeply sweet. Thanks for sharing it as the new year arrives. All the best to you.
Posted by: Elizabeth Churchett | December 29, 2011 at 11:52 PM
xo
Posted by: ninabagley | December 30, 2011 at 09:49 AM
I had this same experience or issue of forgiveness come up for me this year. I did what comes naturally to me... I journaled. All of it; fast, unedited thoughts of myself, my reactions and my feelings. And then, like you, I cried. It consumed my thoughts until I purged it out onto the paper (my laptop actually). It was actually only a few days that I wrote all I could. And suddenly those feelings were dealt with and gone. I hadn't even realized it had stopped. I had worked it out in my head, in my heart, and on paper; completely free of all those thoughts and feelings that held me back.
I had a friend who is a counselor tell me once, that ever morning she gets up, looks in the mirror and says to herself, "I forgive you". It brought tears to my eyes when she shared that with me, but it's easy to see that's what all of us need to do. Forgive ourselves. That makes it so much easier to forgive others, don't you think?
May 2012 be merry & bright for us all!
Posted by: Dede Warren | December 30, 2011 at 09:53 AM
Thank you for saying what some of us cannot, but feel.
Best wishes for a healthy and peaceful for New Year!
Posted by: sharon | December 30, 2011 at 06:04 PM
I agree with Sharon, thank you for saying what I have been feeling but couldn't say. All the best to you and your family for 2012, Stephanie! I'm so glad I got to take classes from you in 2011. xo
Posted by: Cynthia | December 31, 2011 at 07:57 AM
your post is exactly, exactly what I needed to read today... i am going to print it out and and read it several more times today... and for a while to come...i am sure. thank you for sharing, your words are a gift that i will hold in my heart.
Posted by: Kate L. | December 31, 2011 at 12:16 PM
all so true and great advice too....happy new year!!
Posted by: Elise B. | December 31, 2011 at 05:54 PM
Forgivness.....sometimes eaiser said than done. Especially when it comes to ourselves. Thank you for sharing something so very personal. I am hopeful that I will learn to forgive myself and others around me this year a little better. Something to practice.
Posted by: christina | January 04, 2012 at 11:34 PM
more power to you!
Posted by: online parenting class | January 10, 2012 at 02:55 AM
Amen!!! Glad you shared this as it is something we all need to do. Whether we realize it or not. Bless you Stephanie!
Posted by: Chris Kerr | January 11, 2012 at 08:20 AM
still here... xo
Posted by: nina | January 13, 2012 at 09:27 PM
See you on the flip side, one I need to remember to visit!! Xoxo Riki
Posted by: Riki | January 15, 2012 at 08:27 PM
thank you for all the sharing you do! I know letting go is very freeing to ourselves and allowing us to live! thanks so much for your wonderful downloads, I am finishing the HOE from christmas and LOVE it. I hope to meet you one day.best wishes
Posted by: mIriam Miller | January 18, 2012 at 08:58 AM
This really hit home for me. I hope I can take your example. All I've been doing is second-guessing myself, my "talent", and what I want. But I'm working on it!
Posted by: Lori Anderson | January 21, 2012 at 01:57 PM