tiny enormous love

I stand in my half-lit kitchen, an ironing board blocking the usual flow of traffic and a puppy doing her part to do the same as well. I sharpen the knife and slide the blender base back to the wall. I hold an apple in my hand and cut it into 32 thin slices before I realize I've been counting. I feed the dogs the core segments and they saunter off to feast in peace. I become aware of something in my body, a tension of sorts, something between my shoulders and up the back of my neck and head. I think it could show up as tears so I pray for an instant and clear connection to the feeling asap. Be willing to forgive? Of course, I'm willing and so it baffles me why it's so hard to see exactly where I need to forgive sometimes. The only certain place I see is inward. There's no gift in saying to myself "You should have known better" and I find that it is becoming easier to draw my energy in to create the warmth I need rather than to keep looking for reasons why someone else has denied me of it. It's been a big misunderstanding everytime I've held that thought. Recent life events have brought so much to the surface but when you're one of a dozen fish in a tiny bowl, there isn't exactly room to flail and whine. We're all swimming around with stiff spines and rigid fins mechanically flapping back and forth to keep enough motion in play to keep from floating to the top. It's all good, for reals. Lots of love. A little bit of uncertainty but that's just part of life and new beginnings. I'm pretty sure that the amount of love we will all feel when we are finally free of our individual confusion about ourselves will be enormous. We share what we can now and it's a pretty awesome tiny enourmous already. "Infinite patience offers immediate results." - A Course In Miracles

Comments

[cindy o'leary]

Beautiful. Sending you love...

[dorylyn]

One of my favorite verses that has brought me peace is from St. Francis of Assisi and I will only share a few verses. ...-that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness...-For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.

[diane cook]

Stephanie...your words evoke in me a feeling of warmth, and for that I say a deep down-from the ♥ thank you. I pray you too feel the very warmth you give to each of us so willingly and freely. You are truly one of a kind, and I count it a pure joy to call you friend.

[carlanda williamson]

sending big squishy hugs and lots of love your way. xo

[Anne]

Im a bit blown away with your writing also because Im reading a book called 'Teach Only Love,' by Gerald G Jampolsky, MD based on a Course of Miracles.

Ille keep on reading, your writing is beautiful

My husband (we sre getting married in three weeks) and I were talking today that we are both going to mindful and speak only positive things to people.

[Patti Durovchic]

i cannot thank you enough, stephanie. i ended up here at your blog just now via the most unbelievable serendipity. i have followed your work for a while, but had not been here in a while... but, b/c of someone's typo, accidentally landed on a posting about a workshop you did in montana four years ago. which of course, made me google you to find exactly what you're *really* doing NOW. and here i read this latest post... which happens to speak directly to my heart at this very moment. there are no mistakes. thank you... for saying exactly what i needed to hear.

[Chris Kerr]

Your heartfelt words have healed a little of my own heart, Stephanie. A situation where I worked so very hard and poured myself into something, only to receive something challenging back. It IS all good. It's a learning experience to realize more and more that relying on another person for gratitude or positivity is not the best way. I appreciate your thoughts of letting go, of self-care, of cultivating good thoughts. Bless you gal!