I stand in my half-lit kitchen, an ironing board blocking the usual flow of traffic and a puppy doing her part to do the same as well. I sharpen the knife and slide the blender base back to the wall. I hold an apple in my hand and cut it into 32 thin slices before I realize I've been counting. I feed the dogs the core segments and they saunter off to feast in peace. I become aware of something in my body, a tension of sorts, something between my shoulders and up the back of my neck and head. I think it could show up as tears so I pray for an instant and clear connection to the feeling asap.
Be willing to forgive? Of course, I'm willing and so it baffles me why it's so hard to see exactly where I need to forgive sometimes. The only certain place I see is inward. There's no gift in saying to myself "You should have known better" and I find that it is becoming easier to draw my energy in to create the warmth I need rather than to keep looking for reasons why someone else has denied me of it. It's been a big misunderstanding everytime I've held that thought.
Recent life events have brought so much to the surface but when you're one of a dozen fish in a tiny bowl, there isn't exactly room to flail and whine. We're all swimming around with stiff spines and rigid fins mechanically flapping back and forth to keep enough motion in play to keep from floating to the top.
It's all good, for reals. Lots of love. A little bit of uncertainty but that's just part of life and new beginnings. I'm pretty sure that the amount of love we will all feel when we are finally free of our individual confusion about ourselves will be enormous. We share what we can now and it's a pretty awesome tiny enourmous already.
"Infinite patience offers immediate results."
- A Course In Miracles